Collaborative Law –
You Need to Know
I often hear from parents that they don’t know what to do when their child comes home from the other parent’s house complaining about the other parent. It is so hard to know how to respond so that you are supporting your child and not putting yourself in the middle. And sometimes you are so upset about what the child has told you that it is all you can do to not call or go over to the other parent’s house and lay down the law!
Your child may have a very legitimate complaint about the other parent – kids often do! (Rest assured, your child also has very legitimate complaints about you that he is undoubtedly also expressing to your former!) She may come home from the other parent’s house and be upset about something that happened there. Or, your child may call you from the other parent’s house to complain about something the other parent is doing. If you need Northampton family mediation.
Sometimes you may even notice your child’s complaint about the other parent is the exact same complaint you also have about them – making it extremely challenging for you to remain neutral!
Because parents care so much about their children and want to support and make life better for them, their responses usually range from giving the child advice about what to do, telling the child that the other parent didn’t mean it, agreeing with the child as to how awful the other parent is or calling up the other parent or family mediators in an attempt to fix it!
There are a couple very good reasons why you should ditch these approaches to the problem of collaborative law. First, when you try to fix the problem for your child, you teach him that you are going to fix every relationship and deny him an opportunity to learn how to deal with disappointments and discomforts in life. Children need to learn how to navigate the waters of relationships and no relationship is more important for him to figure out than how to navigate his relationship with his parents.
Here’s the thing; children need to have their OWN relationship with both parents, not a relationship clouded by the other parent’s relationship with that parent. This is a great gift for your child – one full of essential life lessons. They learn how to tell their parents why they are upset, to ask for what they want, and to deal with things that did not work out the way they wanted them to.
So what exactly do you do in these situations? You can try Hampshire collaborative law or the way to help your child is to be present with what is going on for your child and just listen. Imagine holding a bucket for your child to simply let out all that needs to be said. This moment with your child is not about your child’s relationship with the other parent, this moment is about the opportunity to build your relationship with your child.
your child may call you from the other parent’s house to complain about something the other parent is doing. If you need Northampton family mediation. So what exactly do you do in these situations? You can try Hampshire collaborative law or the way to help your child is to be present with what is going on for your child and just listen.